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SEX IN THE SHOWER!

 

In a recent survey commissioned by Scott Morrison, Muslims have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

 

The survey was carried out for The Liberal Prime Minister by a leading soap and toiletries firm. The results revealed that 86% of Muslims said that they have had sex in the shower.

 

The remaining 14% said they haven't been to prison yet.

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The people at Starbucks managed to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the

Vatican . After receiving the papal blessing, the Starbucks official

whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Starbucks is prepared to

donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give

us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'

 

 

 

The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord.

It must not be changed."

 

 

 

"Well," says the Starbucks man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For this

reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."

 

 

 

"My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord ,and it

must not be changed."

 

 

 

The Starbucks guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Starbucks respect your

adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer...We will donate $500

million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if

you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily

bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.' Please consider it." And he

leaves.

 

 

 

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

 

 

 

"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good news is

that the Church will come into $500 million.

 

 

 

"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.

 

 

 

"We're losing the Tip Top Bread account!

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Two Irish terrorists were making letterbombs. After they had finished, one said "Do you think I have put enough explosive in this envelope?"

"I don't know" said the other, "Open it and see."

"But it will explode."

"Don't be stupid, It's not addressed to you!"

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An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest

beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

 

 

 

 

'Of course child.  What may I do for you?'

 

 

 

 

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.

It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll

confiscate it.  Is there any way you could carry it through customs

for me?  Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

 

 

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

 

 

 

 

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

 

 

 

 

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.  The official

asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

 

 

 

 

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

 

 

 

 

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you

have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

 

 

 

 

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but

which is, to date, unused.'

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n American, Canadian and Mexican woman are sitting in a bar (isn't that how it always starts?), complaining about their husbands. They never help around in the house at all, and they've had enough of it. So they ask Dr Phil for advise.

That's easy, says Dr Phil: just go on strike. Refuse to do a household chore, and in the end your husband will do it himself.

All three women agree to this, and go home to try it. After one week, they meet up again in the bar, and check the results.

"It went great!", says the American woman. "I simply refused to do the dishes. After the first day I didn't see anything. After the second day I didn't see anything. After the third day, my husband was doing the dishes himself!"

"It was awesome!, says the Canadian woman. "I simply refused to do the cooking. After the first day I didn't see anything. After the second day I didn't see anything. After the third day, my husband was doing the cooking himself!"

Both of them look curious at the Mexican woman, who seems less enthusiastic. "Well", she says, "I simply refused to vacuum the house. After the first day I didn't see anything. After the second day I didn't see anything. After the third day, I could see a little bit out of my right eye again.

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